What I Have Learned

I have not blogged in a few days.  It's not that there hasn't been lots going on, but I just needed to wait until there was enough down time to really reflect and get some thoughts organized.  So here goes!

There are only about six weeks left in this year's summer vacation.  It seems like it's flown by!  I guess that is mainly because we've been so busy this summer.  It's a good kind of busy because it is all about family and people I love! I am so thankful for the memories I have made and hope the lord blesses me with many years and a million future memories!

It's the night before my birthday and that's usually an exciting time for me.  This year has been a little different though.  Not that anything is going on necessarily, but I just got to thinking about something the other day.  It seems like the older I get, the faster life flies by.  It's a little scary how fast the time flies sometimes.

I can remember, when I was little, it seemed like it took FOREVER to get from Christmas to my birthday.  Now it seems like I blink and it's Thanksgiving, and then in a flash it's Christmas and now I will turn 44 tomorrow.  I was telling Johnnie, this morning, how I can remember vividly when I was in single digits.  He just laughed and said that I wasn't old.  I told him that I was half way to 88, and he replied, "Well then you're only half old".  I've had that on my mind all day!  I guess what's really on my mind has to do with the fact that I have unexpectedly lost friends recently and had some near misses with others.  It just reminds me of just how precious life is.

I have often felt like I squandered a lot of precious time when I was younger.  I don't know if it was due to lack of direction, or misdirection, or just plain apathy, but it just took me a while to get going in a true direction. I wonder if I am alone in feeling this way?  Maybe that's my biggest question.  Is it normal to come to a point where you question the life that you have already had and wonder if there will be enough time ahead of you to do all the things there are to be done?  Maybe that's my problem.  Maybe I got into my stride a little late and now I am just afraid that I won't get to all the things I want to while I am here!  Even that thought raises a bunch of other things to consider!

I mean, my faith teaches me that this world is not my home!  This life is temporary and I am on a mission to live so that I can spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven, but that doesn't mean that I should want to rush through this life, does it? I don't want to hurry through life just to get it over with.  I would like to be able to enjoy every moment I can and leave my mark along the way!  I don't want to miss a thing!  Maybe it's the hurrying to get all the life experiences in that makes the years fly by..... There seems to be no solution to that problem.  If I sit idle maybe life will slow down, but boy won't I miss out on the fun?  If I rush to get to everything my life will be full, but likely fly by in the blink of an eye.  I guess if I have to choose between the two, and I don't see any other choices. I choose to fill my life with love, experiences and all the things that make the best memories & I will let the time take care of itself!  Besides, I would way rather be remembered for really living life.

Sure, I have some regrets over the last 44 years.  I am sure that there is not a human alive anywhere who doesn't have regrets, but I have also learned a great many things about myself and others along the way.

This is what I have learned:

• I do not have to make excuses for ANY of my feelings
• I am so much more than the sum of my past mistakes
• There is room in life for do-overs
• Time does heal broken hearts
• You can find REAL love when and where you least expect it
• If you are blessed enough to find it, hold it tight with both hands
• When you do the right thing, the right things happen
• Time is the most precious commodity there is

So, I guess I am staring down another birthday and although I am not overly excited about it this year, I am hardly scared of it either!  

Holidays and Ordinary Days

Happy Birthday America!!!  Today is July 4th, but we won't have our celebration around here until tomorrow.  We live on the lake and every year there is a HUGE fireworks display on or around the 4th.  There are lots of things going on to make this year's celebration super special!

My Katie and Beckham have been here since Monday evening.  I LOVE having them in the house.  I can't get over how much he's grown.  He is almost a year old and walking everywhere!  He thinks he needs to re-arrange things everywhere he goes!  It's funny how he has a house full of toys to play with, but the only things he is interested in are cans of vegetables (tomato paste specifically), water bottles, and any piece of technology that he is not supposed to be messing with.  It's hard to fuss since he's so stinking cute!  I am working on it though.  I am looking for that balance between helping him grow into a polite, kind, sweet, loving little boy who follows the rules and respects his elders, and "Anything Goes at Yaya's house!".  Like I said, I am working on it!

We are also super excited that Johnnie's son and daughter in law and the grand girls will be coming to spend the day with us as well.    I do believe it will be the first time that our whole family will be together at the same time.  Well this isn't the whole family, as our son in law is in Alaska working, but I will take what I can get.  Family was always so important, when I was growing up.  Holidays always included numerous aunts, uncles, cousins & grandparents.  I am excited to be able to be hosting the party for our kids, and hope that this begins a wonderful tradition.

This will also be the first year that we get to participate in the flotilla parade.  We've been on the lake shore for the last 5 years, but this year we have a party barge so we can actively participate in the parade and then go out in the lake to see the fireworks up close.  We have talked about wanting to do that for years and we are finally getting to.  I don't know who is more excited, Johnnie, or me!  Can't wait to post photos of the day/evening.

This has been a fun and busy week!  I put up several bags of peaches in the freezer.  Now Johnnie can have his favorite fruit & ice cream long after the season is over.  I also took my first shot at making pickles.  Actually I had made dill pickles a few weeks ago at my girlfriend's house, but I have never tried to make bread & butter pickles.  I was able to get taste them today and both types are delicious, if I say so myself!  I am pretty proud of the way they turned out.  They are beautiful to look at and DELICIOUS!!!

I couldn't help but laugh to myself tonight at dinner.  Katie was wondering what we were going to eat and said that she could not eat another tuna fish sandwich.  Johnnie wanted tuna fish.  So I was left no choice but to open up Amy's short order kitchen.  I didn't mind it at all, especially because I can remember my mama doing the exact same thing.  I guess that's where I get it from! It all worked out in the end.  Everybody went to bed full and happy and that makes me happy!

I have spent this week thinking, and planning and thinking some more.  I have thought about the way in which some of my most important relationships have changed and grown throughout the years.  I have thought about the prayers that were sent up when things were not going the way I would have liked them to be going.    I sent up even more prayers thanking God for helping all of us to find that connection to one another again.  The peace that comes with that kind of forgiveness is not something that happens by accident, and it is definitely not something that should ever be taken for granted.  I am thankful for holidays and for ordinary days!

I Still Do!

The month of June has been a little rougher than usual this year. I can't say I am not glad it's almost over!  I can say that this last week has been really nice.

June 24th was mine and my husband's 9th anniversary. It was an uneventful day. In fact, my husband had to work that day so I ended up spending the majority of it by myself. That didn't bother me though, because it gave me some time to  really stop and think about this marvelous journey we have been on. 

If you had told me, a little over nine years ago, that I would be so happily married at this time in my life, I would have likely told you to go get your head examined!  Fast forward nine years later and I still catch myself scratching my head and looking around, wondering, how in the world did I get here?

I won't even try to take the credit and I won't give it to my husband either.  It's not luck that got me here either. It is a GOD thing!  So nine years after the fact I can honestly say, "I still do!"

God brought us here.   Faithfulness, love, communication and dedication have made our home a fun, loving and safe place to land!  If I had one wish for all the married couples I know, it would be for all their homes to be built on that same foundation!

Other highlights  this week included a visit from my sweet cousin and her baby-girl and my daddy and his wife. It was really nice to get to spend time with all of them!  

I am so proud of my cousin!  She is making some needed changes and looking ahead to a bright future!  She comes from good stock. I hate that some of the people around her are less than supportive at times, but that's on them!  I have told her and I hope she remembers that is their stuff and not hers!  They will have to answer for themselves sooner or later. We ALL will!  While I consider myself FAR from perfect, I am glad that I only have to answer for my choices and no one else's!  It goes back to a philosophy I have held for a while now. I have long felt that members of the human race could learn everything theyneed to  know to be successful in life through a quality character education program!  All the fusses in marriages, families, races, religions and nations could be settled!  Boy would that free up some time for some folks!

I have some things on my mind and could use some prayers right about now.  All I can say is that I feel like satan is trying to mess with some folks I care a lot about, but my God is sooooo much better and stronger than he.  Maybe that's the test for me!  I have to give my fears and worries to God. Then comes the hard part.... I have to not take them back!  That's what I will do!  Like I said, prayers needed!

Missing Mama Today

June 20th is a day that I wish I could skip every year! It's the day that my mother laid her earthly burdens down and went to live with Jesus. I have thought about June 20, 2006 (and the days that lead up to it) soooooo many times over the past 7 years. I have prayed that it wouldn't come, I've been angry about it and I even tried to bargain with God about it, but it came nonetheless!

The loss my family suffered on that day was staggering! Mama was so important to so many people! She was the glue that held my family together. She was the center point where my family came together. She was the heart of family gatherings during the holidays!

To me she was an incredible teacher and example of how a Christian woman, wife and mother should behave. My biggest regret, in life, is that it took me so long to realize that!
I spent a long time feeling inadequate and feeling like I would never measure up to her "over-achiever" way of doing things. I now know that she wasn't an "over-achiever" at all.... What she was was a lady who believed in always putting forth your best effort. I have come to understand that if you live your life that way, the achievements will naturally follow!  Her work ethic was  incredible, but it was nothing in comparison to her loyalty regarding family!

To other family members, she was like "True North". She faced issues HEAD ON and didn't sugar coat things, but she would never turn a family member away if they needed her! She found a way to work through issues that were set in front of her and managed them with grace and style! She was a most excellent councilor and problem solver! She had a strength that I envy to this very day!

To a little blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl she called Lula she was EVERYTHING! I feel blessed to have been a witness to the transformation that a grandchild caused in her! I watched Mama soften into a little girl again, when she played with Katie! I didn't understand it until I got my first "Grand". Now I can understand exactly what she was feeling! I was sad for my little Beckham, that he might never know what that kind of love felt like. I have come to understand, however, that he does get to have it and the reason that he does is because she showed me how! I love that I can look at his facial expressions sometimes and see her grinning at me!

And so, I cry today because I MISS HER, but I smile and thank God that she was here!!!! I thank her for living a Christian life and setting before me a road-map and teaching me the lessons that I would need in order to lead a Christian life myself! Most of all I thank God for his son and the promise that we will all be together again because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Life Goes On

So, we made it home, safe and sound, from a most excellent vacation. We have already started planning for next year's adventure. If The Lord is willing there are more memories still to be made and I am looking forward to the experiences that lie ahead. 

It seems like we both went right back to the daily grind about as quick as our wheels stopped rolling in Louisiana.  Johnnie went back to work the very next day and I started teaching my extended year classes. 

 With the first week of summer school behind me I finally got the time I needed to be able to go and be with my girlfriend whose husband passed away while we were gone. I got into my car for the drive over with a million mixed emotions running round in my head. It's funny how loud your thoughts can be sometimes. 

Of course my friend and her family had been on my mind constantly over the past week, and I tried as hard as I could to stay connected through every form if digital media that I could, but I couldn't bring myself to dial her phone number to have an actual conversation. I felt like such a coward!

I guess I rationalized it to myself by thinking that if I don't hear her voice or we don't actually speak of our sadness it will mean that it isn't real. Seeing that thought in print I know that it is crazy, but it was just too painful to consider the reality that is upon us. Driving up toward her house and seeing his truck made my heart hurt because I knew that my friend is gone and no talking or not talking would change that. 

And so, no words were needed.  That was a good thing because I could not find the right ones to say to express my sorrow for her loss.  Sometimes a hug and shared tears speak volumes. 

We had a nice visit and even managed to laugh our way through some mundane errands. I am sure there will be more tears at times, but I am thankful for the laughter!

Life Experiences

Well our vacation is coming to a close. We are on the road back home as I make this entry and I can't help but reflect on all the places we have been, things that we've seen and experiences that we have shared.  While places and things are nice to reflect upon, the experiences are where the real memories are made.

 

The beauty and majesty of some of the places we have been has only reinforced my belief in the existence and power of God!  In fact, I feel really sorry for those who live on this planet and yet refuse to acknowledge that there is but one creator!  Talk about missing the forest for the trees!

I have seen God in the calmness of a sunrise in Georgia!  I have also seen God in the power of white-water rapids in North Carolina or the falls of the Niagara River!  Those are some places that a believer might expect to see God, but I have felt him in some unexpected places as well!

It's still a little surprising to me, but I also saw God on the streets and in the subways of New York City!   I was pleasantly surprised to see that there were locals who were willing to be of assistance, some without us even having to ask (since we were often too overwhelmed and apprehensive to approach anyone). But it was really nice to see that kindness is alive and kicking north of the Mason-Dixon Line!

We saw much of the world that is kind and good, but unfortunately those are not the only things that make up this world that we live in.   We saw some people with what seemed to be total disregard for others around them.  These would be people who push and run in order to get to the front of a line. These are also the same types of people who walk around wanting only what they want, appearing almost oblivious to the fact that there are others around them and they might be invading their personal space.  These people are only interested in serving themselves.  They are often the ones who see the rules, but feel that they couldn't possibly apply to them!  

At first I wrote that kind of behavior off to cultural differences, but the foreigners were not the only ones behaving this way!  That got me to thinking... The more I considered it I can't say that selfishness can be isolated to any one country or region and unfortunately it exists inside the best of families as well.  

Even though I refuse to dwell in this negativity, I feel compelled to acknowledge the existence of it, and am thankful that my personality does not lean in that direction! (I hope it never does). I do, however, feel pity for those who are so driven by this me me ME mentality!  

These kind of behaviors, I believe, are based in jealousy and a general lack of satisfaction in their own life. How exhausting, and sad it must be to feel the need to keep up that kind of a constant contest with everyone around you.  That is my opinion on that subject!

And so we travel on, headed for home so that we can share stories of the road with dear friends and family.  But the closer we get the more my thoughts drift to one of my dearest friends who is just now taking her first steps into a world that was forever changed by the power of God.  

As I sit here reflecting on all the memories that my husband and I have made not only recently, but over the past nine years, my heart breaks knowing that she must now try to make memories without hers.  

My faith tells me to rejoice in the assurance that he was a fine Christian man and that we will see him again in heaven. My mind gets angry and wants to question God and ask why he would let someone overcome so many huge obstacles only to have him taken from us in such a sudden and unexpected fashion. My heart just hurts because it knows that it has a friend whose life has been forever changed by a tragic loss!

I know there is a plan and that this fits into it somehow, but i also know I am an impatient child and want my answers NOW!  I want to be able to help my friend!  I feel so helpless. Maybe that's the lesson in this. Even with the best of intentions, in the end we really are not the ones in control !

I guess all I can do is take all life's lessons with me as I continue down the highway.  My goal today, just as it was yesterday and it will be tomorrow, is to let people see Christ in my words and deeds!

New York State of Mind

We spent three days exploring the area in and around New York City. I was surprised to see that it was just as hot there as it was at home, if not hotter!  

It is hard to wrap my mind around just how big that place is.  We spent a lot of our time trying to get from point A to B.  We walked more than 5 miles on our first day in the city. If you know me you know that is a LOT of steps, but I wanted to experience everything I possibly could in the short time we were there!

You see a lot of things when riding on a subway. I couldn't help but daydream and wonder what my fellow passengers every day lives were like and where they were all off to in such a hurry. I love to people-watch anyway and the days in New York City gave me lots of subjects to study!

I noticed that even though New Yorkers were extremely helpful and willing to give us advice or directions, they didn't smile very much. They were reading their papers or engaged in conversations with an intensity that would make observers think that their lives were dependent on what they were doing at that moment.  

I even did a bit of an experiment to see if they would return a smile if one was shown to them.  I smiled at everyone I saw on the subway and only about 3 out of 10 smiled back at me.  One person even  gave me a half a smile and then looked ate like I was crazy.  I felt kinda sorry for them actually, because a smile is something that doesn't cost a cent and can improve your whole day & they don't even seem to know it!  Johnnie said that they were grouchy from having to spend so much of their time under ground trying to catch subways. He may be on to something there!

I also found that there were more trees than I expected. For some reason I thought all the trees were only in Central Park. It's funny when you think about it. Johnnie and I traveled from the country to the city and we found ourselves glad to find trees! 

Yankees stadium was really nice.  We had great tickets to the game, but the Yankees lost.  I am more of a Red Socks fan anyway so I was ok with it.

We also saw Wicked while we were in the city. I have to say that being in that theatre and having such great seats for the show was something that I will remember for the rest of my life!

This has truly been a once in a lifetime trip!

New World Trade Center

Johns pizza Times Square

Our waiter at johns. His name was Jason. 

Lady Liberty

Double deck bus tour!  Hot as Blue Blazes!

Waitn for Wicked to start. I am sooooo excited!