So in getting caught up, first I want to apologize in advance if it seems like I'm being vague about some of the events of the last two years. I've had some of the most unbelievable, extraordinary and wonderful blessings in the past two years. I've also had some situations with "friends" and family that are pretty sickening and unbelievable themselves, so for time I'm gonna just list some bullets:
- We bought a brand new home!!!
- We moved from the lake to be closer to family.
- I went back to school for another certification (I know I'm always in school for something or another).
- I changed jobs in the middle of the year ( I would not recommend anyone in any kind of job in education in any capacity ever do that EVER!).
- I had the most unpleasant and needlessly difficult, and stressful year in my entire teaching career.
- We found out that we had made a terrible misguided decision when we moved from the lake and went in search of our "forever" place to land.
- We found our forever place just four miles from where my daughter and her family live.
- Our family grew by one when Mr. Braxton Drew Barr was born February 1, 2016.
- I started my tenth year in education teaching in Caddo Parish.
- My aunt passed away.
So basically you're up to date.
Introducing my newest love, Mr. Braxton Drew
I will likely expound on some of the above as we go, but other stuff I will just keep tucked away because the thought of talking about them again, after all this time, is just too painful and I'm still praying about it.
Prayer...... That's a good place to jump off from!
So, a while back..... I can't even remember when, but a while back I started asking God to grow my faith. I wanted a deeper and more intimate relationship with the God who has blessed me so graciously. I wanted to live the life that God had always intended me to live.
I started writing a prayer journal. Sometimes it's just prayer, sometimes it is verses that I am studying and sometimes it's simple pleas to the God who I know works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I have a dear friend who told me, one time, that I don't ever want to pray for patience. She said that her grandmother told her that because she had prayed for patience and fell in the yard and broke her leg and it took hours for people to find her. Well if I didn't have faith that God will make beautiful things from our biggest messes I'd be tempted to warn whoever is reading this to be careful when they ask God to grow their faith. Knowing what I know now and looking back on the past two years I know that God is working on my faith and drawing me closer to him. It's the only way to explain making it through some of the painful events that Johnnie and I have been through in the last two years.
Johnnie and I dealt with a loss that felt, in a way, like an amputation. It came out of nowhere! To be honest I'm still not sure what the real reason was and there are phantom pains that still gnaw at my heart. I'm still praying about it but sometimes I'm not really sure what I'm praying for and Johnnie is still so hurt he looks it like there was a death. In hindsight the situation allowed us to find our forever home and for me to be closer to my daughter and our grandsons. As happy as that makes me, and believe me I am overjoyed at being so close...... I still can't sleep sometimes for grieving the loss of the other part of the family and I don't know why it had to be that way.
Still, in the midst of that storm I continued to praise God and put my trust in him.
I have forgiven as I ask God to forgive me.
No sooner than the dust settled we were hit in the face with another family situation. As I said earlier some of this may be vague, but it's just not something I want to keep dragging up. I tried as hard as I could to help someone I love and I'm not sure if it was enough. I may never know if it was enough. I pray that it was and this is another situation I've given to God so I am gonna leave it with him.
Finally...... as I gave that situation up to God I was faced with the third and definitely most painful situation. I lost my aunt a couple of weeks ago. She was my mentor, a first teacher, the one who helped me find my way when I had lost it, and someone I could turn to in any situation and not fear being judged. She set my feet back on the right path and then stayed right with me like I was a baby learning to walk again. She was right there as I met the goals we had set for me. Just as I met a goal she would move the finish line and set a new goal. It's only been a few days and I already miss her terribly. I am so thankful for her and know that she will be one of the first ones to greet me when my time comes. Someone described my aunt Dewanna as a bright light bursting across the sky like a comet. Her personality was so bright and she always made everyone she met feel like they were the most important person in the world. She was one of a kind and I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with her. I hope to be just like her when I grow up!!!
Through all of this and with whatever comes I will praise my heavenly father from whom all blessings flow!!! I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future!!!
Stay Tuned!!!
