It's A Wrap

It's just about time for 2013 to be a memory.  I would have to say that as I look back I can honestly say that it's been a pretty good year.   This is the first year that I can remember actually sticking to many of my resolutions.  Sadly, I didn't keep them all, but that's what New Year's day is for.  Time to start anew!

I set out to get healthier and I think I have done that.  I gave up diet drinks and anything with NutraSweet or aspartame.  I also stopped smoking at the end of August and have not even snuck a smoke.  That's the one that is the most amazing to me.  I am still using my ecig, but less and less every day. 

I want to keep the changes I've already made and then add a few more in 2014.  Maybe that's the best thing to do, just make a bunch of resolutions and then come closer to keeping at least a few of them.  So anyway, here's what I am thinking about for 2014:

I think everybody lots of folks say that they want to be more organized every year as a resolution.  So I am saying it too, but I am going a little further than that.  I'm wanting to put some kind of a plan in place.  By plan I mean I would like to set down and plan my meals ahead of time on a monthly basis.  I know monthly is a bit of a lofty goal, but I really want to do this!  I feel like it will help me budget better for groceries and also save me a ton of time after school.  As bad as I hate math I ran some numbers and this is what I found:  If I cut out the after school shopping trips I usually make during the week (at least 3 or 4 a week) I ought to save 24 hours a month!!!  I can think of a ton of things that I would rather do with that 24 hours, and maybe having that time back will let me get some more stuff done during the week.

That leads me to resolution #2.  I want to make a budget and keep to it!  Johnnie and I earn plenty of money every month.  To quote him, "We poof off a lot of money every month".  It will be interesting to see what happens when the money is really accounted for.  We've lived on far less than we are making now and to the best of my memory, we didn't live much differently than we do now.  That tells me that there is a lot of waste going on.  I just want to see if I can stop the waste.  I have some ideas and will share them once they are set into motion.

Resolution #3 has to do with health.  Now that the artificial sweeteners and cigarettes are gone, the plan is to take it a step further.  Johnnie did better than I did because when he rid himself of diet drinks he changed to unsweet tea and water.  That's what I want to do!  I am afraid to do away with caffeine altogether, but I do think that I can limit mine to coffee and tea, or at least that is what I want to do.

Resolution #4 is simply to increase my activity level.  I think that in many ways I have done this already, but it needs to be pushed to the next level.  Just like meals and money can be organized, so to can exercise.  That's what I want to do.  I haven't decided if this needs to happen at a gym or at home but it needs to happen.  I want to look back in 6 months and be one of the success stories.

Finally, I want to continue to strengthen my spiritual life in 2014.  One resolution that I am saddest about not keeping was the one in which I wanted to read my bible all the way through in 2014.  I'm going to try to do that again and I'm gonna try harder than ever to be successful at it.  I know that my spiritual life has improved over the past few years, but in this area there is ALWAYS room for improvement. 

I don't want my relationship with God to be an afterthought.  I don't want to think about myself as a Christian simply because I obeyed the Gospel 25 years ago.  While I am forever grateful to my uncle Phil for sharing that good news with me all those years ago, I am ashamed of myself that I haven't done more with the information I was given.   

I try to live my life so that people can see Christ in me, or at lest I hope that I do.  I just want to take it a step further.  I  hope that we can find a church home that we can grow in.  I have thought about having a more active spiritual life for a while now.  I really have enjoyed going to church in Shreveport and West Monroe, but in the back of my mind I am still wanting more.  I don't want to just be a Sunday morning Christian.  When I look at where my life is now and the life that Johnnie and I have built together I know that the blessings are from God.  My best laid plans have never come close to this life that I am living now.  I owe the praise and glory to God!  I want God to use me to the best of my abilities, and not simply be a Sunday morning Christian.   Johnnie and I have talked about finding a local church home and I really hope that this is the year that we will do it! 


As I look back on struggles this past year, and in all the years before, I can see that my greatest worry and heartache came as the results of me wanting what I wanted, when I wanted it.  I planned for things (either in my mind, or with others) and then if the plans didn't fall into place exactly as I had envisioned them I was left irritable and anxious.   This led to anger and frustration and second guessing and all kinds of feelings that are meant to do nothing more than tear a person down.  I have spent nearly the entire first half of this school year with some internal turmoil that has caused me to question everything I have worked for during the past few years.  It brought me to my knees! 

You'd think that's where the story ends..... but if you did, you'd be wrong!  When I was brought to my knees the answer came!  Prayer is the answer!  I came to understand that it wasn't about my planning at all.  It needed to be about my praying! 

I have learned this lesson over and over and over again and yet when I find myself in stressful situations it always seems to take a few lumps before I remember it.  Philippians 4:6 is simple and to the point:  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God".  So, rather than trying to do all the planning myself I will do my part, but then give it to God and leave it there.  He's always given me what I needed and all I had to do was ask.

So that's where I will start my new year.  I want to be prayerful about every situation.  It really is just that simple.  Plans are fine, but they need to be combined with prayers.  Without exception everything that I have ever tried to plan on my own has failed miserably.  On the other hand, when I have truly humbled myself and asked for God's help the results were blessings that were greater than I could even think to ask for. 


Here come the Photos from Christmas:

First time the family's been all together in 7 years.

 

 

 

We got nearly the whole family together!  Hate that Uncle Billy and Alita couldn't be with us!

Sweet cousins playing at Christmas.

Playing with Hollis Anne's toys at Christmas.

 

 

Isn't he just the cutest!!!

 

 

Two of my greatest blessings!!!!

 

 

Santa came to see Johnnie and Amy.  We were good this year!!!

 

Santa came to Yaya and Grumpy's.  This is Beckham's loot!

We sure were blessed with some beautiful babies!!!

 

 

Johnnie loves trains!!!

 

 

My niece Hollis Anne at Christmas.

 

The first turkey I have ever cooked in my life!  It was smoked and delicious!

Hamming it up for the camera!

My baby saw Santa and didn't even cry!

 

 

My new Christmas wreath that Katie made for me!  LOVE IT!!!

 

 

 

Katie likes the little blue boxes too!

What's on my Mind

Sometimes things happen around me that are just surreal. For instance, I was out to lunch with a girlfriend a while back and we were eating in a restaurant owned by some of my family.  Of course the food was delicious. I come from a long line of world classed cooks!  

The surreal part was not that my family members own a restaurant, but that there is a gift shop associated with it and it is associated with one of the top rated shows on television right now.  So anyway, as I sat there eating my lunch it was almost overwhelming that any of it was going on for real. 

Next I go to the business owned by the same family members n purchase a few Christmas gifts and a Christmas CD that the family put out this year. I put the CD in and start listening n yep, you guessed it..... That wave of surrealness (if that is even a word) rushes over me again making me unable to listen to all of the songs. I will say, however, that my uncle Si singing "Mr. Grinch" was one of the cutest things I have heard in a while!

 Then this evening comes one of the biggest deals yet. It seems that the network that airs my family's reality show are unhappy with my uncle for answering questions in an interview that thy had set up for him. So he is on indefinite suspension n the Internet is blowing up with comments of support and damnation.  I find myself scratching my head in disbelief that a member of my family could provoke such a gigantic conversation!

Now I love my family, and I have always thought my uncle Phil was charismatic, but I never in a million years thought that he would get this many people stirred up.     

All he did was state his opinion when asked some questions. His answers were based in biblical fact even if mainstream America refuses to recognize it. 

One of my cousins preached a lesson a while ago and it has stuck with me for years. He pointed out that there are no levels or degrees of sin. Sin is sin in the eyes of god.  It gave me a lot of comfort to know that we are all on a level playing field. Until then I had always thought that my sins were worse than everybody else's making me unworthy of the grace of God. 

The truth is that I AM unworthy!  I can't do any great work to earn my salvation, but you know what?  Neither can anybody else!  There again is that level field!  I have to remind myself of this fact quite often because I think the devil knows it is one of my greatest weaknesses. 

As I have watched my famous family members on their journey I have found myself fearful on several occasions. I was afraid that members if the media were going to hurt them or shame them. In each of the instances God used the situation to teach me about faith. I was afraid, but none of them were. They were bold as they sat with people they probably knew didn't share their beliefs and philosophies.  They were bold and the interviews were great. 

This is not how the story ends however.   Just this week that controversial article hit the public and the public immediately took a side. In fact I am pretty sure the sides were chosen before the article came out. 

I read what he said. He was asked what his views were and he gave them. He even backed them with biblical fact. He knows he is not the judge and was not passing judgement. 

I believe that no matter how he answered he would have been criticized. If he had given a liberal answer they'd have called him a hypocrite. I also have no doubt that if he were asked the same questions today he would answer them in exactly the same way.  So what is the answer?

I have no idea, but I can say that I hope and pray that if I was ever in the position of having to respond to questions of that nature, that my faith would let me be so bold!!

It is not his goal to be a famous tv star.  The mission that he has been on for the majority of my life was to try and share the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ with every person he ever came in contact with so that they can get to heaven too.  How do I know this?  I know this because he shared that same good news with me about 25 years ago. 

So with today's scandal I find myself oddly at ease for a change. I also know that the tight knit family you see on tv is not just for show. That is probably the most real part of that reality tv show!

I also can't help but pray for all the haters, that their eyes migt be opened so that they may receive the gift of salvation.  It's not owed to us and we certainly don't deserve it!  We can't win it or earn it!  It is, however, promised to us if we obey the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

"My mission today is to go forth and tell the people why I follow Christ and what the bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that men and women are meant to be together.  However, I would never treat someone with disrespect just because they are different from me.   We are all created by the Almighty, and like him I love all of humanity.  We would all be better off if we loved God and loved one another."

                               Phil Robertson 

What's the World Coming To?

Its Wednesday evening, but man what a stressful week it's already been!

If I counted correctly, my husband has just a little over 12 days left to work and the mayor n town council are still trying to do away with his job!  Not only his job, but an entire police department!  Who ever heard if such?

This has been an ongoing battle between the police and the mayor/council. So it leaves the question, "In what world is it ok to do away with law enforcement on a town with a crime rate like Homer?"

At any rate Johnnie is ready to be done and I am ready for him to be done. The thought that something might happen to him when he is this close to the finish line scares me to death!  It seems like I always have at least one major worry going on at any one time so I guess this is it for now!

I don't blame him for being done. I can't imagine what the job of a police man is like. I mean, he spends his entire day telling people what hey can and can't do. And, if they won't comply then he has to make them comply. I would hate doing that. So Like i said I understand why he wants to stop doing that. 

The problem I see is when people doing other jobs have that same negative attitude about what they are doing.  I mean, we choose our vocations. We are not sentenced to do these jobs as punishment. So why then do some folks whine, complain and belly ache so badly?  No I am not some total Pollyanna who thinks that the world is rainbows and butterflies all the time. Everyone goes through some times when things might be a little rough, but the constant negativity spewed by some folks just makes me want to ask them if they remember why they chose their job in the first place!  I believe that that kind of attitude is contagious and I really don't want to catch it!

Then there are those who, no matter what you do, tell you you should have done something differently.  They don't say what they mean and you are let to try to decode the real meaning of their words. Let me be the first to say that it is exhausting to be constantly trying to figure out hidden meanings. In fact. I believe I need to resolve myself to not even worrying about hidden meanings any more!

In the world today I find myself at odds with the leadership in this country.  Decisions are being made that make absolutely no sense.  I am horrible at math, but even I know that the working class in this country simply cannot afford the debt that is being assigned to us. 

Even worse are the people who have figured out how to build a life for themselves in which they won't or don't work and have no intention to even try to work.  They aren't paying for anything.   In many cases they will be the first one to hold their hand out for freebies! I know I am ranting,  but this has been driving me crazy!!

This is not the world my parents or grandparents lived in. There was a time when people genuinely cared for one another without some hidden agenda.  Those in government had the interest of the people at the forefront of the decisions they made. Heck, politicians had real jobs outside politics and got involved in government because they were genuinely interested in making sure their town/country was thriving.  People took pride in their jobs and were genuinely conscientious! 

 So I am sitting here wondering "what happened"?  I know in my own life I have found myself at crossroads in which I had to do some real soul searching and make some real and hard choices.  With those choices came some heartache and there was some work to be done, but I can't help ur think that hard work and even temporary heartache is far better than letting that ugly blackness of unhappiness swallow you up!  

Today I find myself in a really good place. I have a marriage that I am absolutely happy in.  Our home is the peaceful safe place it is supposed to be.  I have a family that I love and who I know loves me. I have a career in which I get to encourage and hopefully be a part of shaping little people into who God wants them to be.

 

So what about the rest?  What can be done about the negativity?  Can our country be saved?  Is this what happens before a civilization collapses?  I just can't help but think we are living in some really fragile times. 

I don't have the answers. All I can do is try to do my best and offer lots of prayers. If you are reading this I am asking you to pray too. One way or the other something has got to give!

Empty Chairs

Ok it's the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I feel like if I don't sit down and blog this whole month is going to pass me by!!!  The plan was to get some rest during my break, but I think Life had other ideas!  At any rate, here I am, just in time to organize some thoughts.

So, I am sitting here, watching Charlie Brown on television.  I can't help but think back to holiday seasons when I was a kid.  Holidays back then meant road trips, people sleeping all over my grandparents house and a meal for no less than 50 people.  It's mind boggling to think about the amount of work that went into preparing that meal.

I got my assignment for tomorrow's meal and I can happily report that my work is done.  I made sweet potato pies and chocolate pies.  They are all wrapped up and ready to go and all we need to do tomorrow is get up and head out!  I hate that it will be a one day trip for Johnnie.  He'll have to make a flying trip since he has to work on Friday.  At least he's able to be with us this year.  This is the first year in as long as I can remember that he wasn't scheduled to work the holiday.  Hopefully this will be the last holiday season that he works full time so scheduling won't be a problem.

I can't help but think about loved ones who will be celebrating their first holiday season with empty chairs.  My family has had an empty chair for several years.  In time I have come to understand that we have all dealt with that differently.  I have personally tried to avoid holidays, schedule trips to keep busy throughout them and just to face them head on.  I have to say that no mater which way I chose to deal with them the empty chair was the same.  The chair was still empty and my heart was still sad.

In the past few months I have resolved myself to really trying to mend some of the frayed edges of my family. I may take a little time, as I have become somewhat slow to fully invest myself into the lives of others, but I will get there.  I am interested in seeing where the journey will lead.  I hope I can look back a year from now and see that some real progress has been made.  Stay tuned!

If only I had some words of advice or encouragement to offer those around me who will be looking at those empty chairs for the first time this year.  Unfortunately, there aren't any!  No cliche's will make things better.  What I can do is offer a shoulder of support and a word of prayer.  If you are reading this, and you know someone in need, I am asking that you do the same!

Our loved ones have not run away to hide.  I know, in my own case, only the finality of death could keep my mother from me, but her absence is palpable just the same!  So I guess the best I can do is offer up extra prayers for those who mourn losses this holiday season.

We are taught to pray for those in need and I guess I have always done that, but I have to say that this year something is different.  I mean, I have no problem praying for the things I want or need and I have no problem offering up a brief "God Bless _______", but this year I have taken some real time to lift others up in prayer.  That's one benefit of my job.  I have a lot of time, while I am driving from school to school, to have some real conversations with God.

Maybe that is the reason some of my general holiday funk has lifted.  I mean, if I stay busy focusing on others, there is less time for the blues to creep in.  It's funny though because my purpose was not to make myself feel better, but that's the result I got.  So, I think I will spend the rest of the year being thankful for the many blessings in my own life and lifting those around me who need prayers.

There was a huge black cloud over my holidays until just last year.  A little blonde hair, blue eyed boy named Beckham brought with him sunshine and warmth I had forgotten existed  He didn't fill the chair that was left empty, but he did make his place at our family table.  It's only been a year and a half since he joined us and I can not imagine life without him!  I thank God that he is happy & healthy!  

When I look at where I am in life, and how things are in my world,  I can see blessings all around me.  I know that there are people in this world with some real problems.  I guess that's the real lesson.  No matter how bad or low we may be, there is always someone whose struggles are greater.  There is always work to be done.

I hope that the ones that I care about, who are grieving this year, find that one special thing to lift them out of their sadness!  That'll be my prayer for the rest of the year. I will ask God to bless them, as he has me, and that I can be the kind of friend and support that Jesus has called me to be.

Maybe that's just the way life works.  Over time we find ourselves with empty chairs here on earth, but up in Heaven there is a banquet table set where all our friends and loved ones will be gathering.  There will be no more pain and no more illness.  I have this picture in my head of what it will be like, and I am sure it will, only better!!!  I can't wait to join the party one day!


It's almost time to go to bed.  Just one more sleep and I will be spending a few days with my sweet Beckham.  If I could say anything else it would be that if your loved ones are still here, hug them tight and let them know how much you love them.  If you know someone who is grieving, love on them.  If they need a shoulder to cry on, give it.  If they need someone to listen, turn an ear to them.  If they need to be lifted up, do that.  Pay it forward!  Not only will it help someone along their journey, but I can promise you will learn some things about yourself in the process!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Be Thankful

This has really been a pretty ordinary week & I am glad of it!  I always enjoy the weekends that Johnnie and I have off together. I did attend a class on Saturday about nonviolent crisis resolution. It was pretty interesting. It was definitely worth the time!

The countdown is on til Thanksgiving break. We haven't officially made any plans yet so I guess I need to get on that!  All I really want is a low key day with family!  That's what I am most thankful for!  This will b the first thanksgiving that Johnnie will be off for the holiday in years and I am really looking forward to that. I know he looks at it like just another day, but to me the holiday is about family n being together. 

Tomorrow we celebrate Veteran's Day at one of the schools I go to. I am so glad they make a big deal about Veteran's Day because it is a big deal!  This country has produced several generations of people who feel entitled to all our country has to offer.   They seem to care less about the fact that people have fought n died to keep us free!

I could go into a tirade about how I feel about war or this country feeling like it needs to be the conscience ofthe rest of the world, but that would be an exercise in futility n prolly take me all night!  I just wish that people followed one single rule.  If they would simply treat one another as they would like to be treated there would be no need for war or the military. Families wouldn't have to be separated by everything that comes from fighting with others. I can't even imagine how a world like that migt be... Oh, yes I can!  That's what heaven is going to be like!

I am scared to death of he world that my Beckham will inherit one day.   Sometimes u just wish Jesus would come on back for us so we wouldn't have to fret about that any more!  Oh well, there will come a day!

I haven't even begun to think about  my Christmas list yet. Johnnie and I have decided not to go crazy buying gifts for one another. Instead, we have an Alaskan cruise planned for this coming June. We will celebrate our 10th anniversary in Alaska and British Columbia!  I am hoping for a better cruise experience than last time!

I do like this idea about gift buying. It's a 4 gift Christmas. It's where you give something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read. I really like the idea and am considering it for my family. I have to say, however, thanks to my friend Cyndi for sharing the idea with me. 

ok makeup November is going well!  I am so thankful to my girlfriends who took the challenge with me!  I was a little scared to do it alone. I am thankful that I have friends who will stand up for their convictions. The funny part about not wearingakeup in the miring is that I thought it would give me all thus extra time in the morning, but it really hasn't.  I don't know how things will be when I go back to wearing it again in December. 

Oh and I am also being more conscious of my blessings during this time of the year. I am 10 days in and so far here's what I have to be thankful for:

1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ

2. My sweet husband and the life we     have built together

3. Daylight savings time

4. My coworkers

5. My job

6. My parents

7. My Katie 

8. Social Media

9. My in laws

10. My sweet Beckham

That's a lot to be thankful for, but happily there is so much more to be thankful for all around me!

So anyway that's what is going on in my world. I guess I will wrap up this blog post for now. Monday will be here before we know it!

What a Week!

This week ended much happier than it began!!!  I am so thankful for that!  We started out the week with finding out that my uncle (mother's brother) passed away.  He had been sick for a while and I know it was a blessing, in a way, but it is never easy to lose someone you love.  He was the brother who my mother was probably the closest to and so that brought back the pain of losing her as well.  One bright spot, for me at least, was knowing that they were reunited in heaven!

At his graveside my cousin Alan pointed out that he managed to get almost the whole family together.  If you knew my family, you'd understand how difficult that is!  To say that my family is unique and colorful is putting it mildly!   I am really glad that we were all brought together because I believe it reminded many of us just how important family is to us.  It also gave many of us the opportunity to get contact information on each other so that we can stay in better touch with one another.  We all promised that we would.  I don't know about the rest of them, but I do plan on keeping in better touch.  It was weird because the gathering reminded me of all the gatherings I remembered in my childhood, except that now WE are the grown ups!  Other than a few wrinkles we seemed the same to me!  It's funny how memories work.  At any rate, it was really good to get to see them again and like my cousin Chad said, "Let's get together again when we can wear blue jeans and we aren't burying anybody!"  I like that idea!!!

Today is Saturday and I am happy to say that I am winding the week up with some of my favorite people!  Katie, Beckham and I participated in the Susan G Komen Race For The Cure 5k.  We walked with students and faculty from her school.  Those of you who know me know that I am NOT ATHLETIC AT ALL!!!  I am pretty proud of myself because I completed the course!  I have never walked in a 5k before and had no idea what to expect.  I don't think my husband really thought I would be able to do it and to tell the truth, I wasn't sure about it myself!  As we got near the end of the race I really started to lose steam.

Just when I was wanting to give up I remembered what I had seen at the start of the race.  People had the names of people they were walking for pinned to their shirts.  Some were walking to celebrate survivors and other were walking to honor those who lost the fight.  Two of the names people wore belonged to ladies who are very special to me.  My aunt Dewanna and aunt Mary both survived the horrible disease.  I wasn't able to find my aunt Mary's name but I did see my aunt Dewanna's on the back of some stranger.  I thought about both of them as I gathered the energy it took to finish the race, the whole time thanking God for letting them stay down here with us for a while longer!

I can proudly report that I completed the race.  Our time wasn't the best (1 hr 19 min) probably because I had to stop and potty about half way through.   I gave thanks for a port o potty that was located along the route.  It wasn't even a part of the course actually.  It was there for some workmen who were roofing a house.  I'm sorry, but at the time it did not matter to me (or the 20 folks ahead of me)  I think it was an answered prayer cause I don't know what I would've done if it hadn't been there.  Actually I do know what I would've done and I don't want to talk about it!

Anyway we did it!  Beckham was a doll the whole time!  I think I might need a little Yaya refresher course though, cause Katie asked me to grab a sippy cup before we left.  I did what she said, but I didn't put anything in it!  Needless to say Beckham started asking for "Meek" (milk) and all I could give him was an empty cup.  Thankfully he didn't fuss too badly and we found him some water.  *Note to self if Katie asks for a cup for the baby..... PUT SOMETHING IN IT!!!

Oh, and lastly, I have decided to participate in No Makeup November.  One of my cousins did it last year and I think I was afraid to do it.  I read about it again and talked about it with a couple of girlfriends and we've decided it is something that we want to do together.  Lets RAVE about what Christ has done for us!!!  I am going to try to add a link. (or should I say get KT to add a link for me! lol)

Here's the link.

Photos to follow!!!

                                                                        We did it!!!!!

                                                             Beautiful day for a race!!!

                                                        Isn't he the cutest little racer???

                   This is my AFTER photo and I am still smiling and standing upright!!!  GO Yaya!!!

Happy Fall' Y'all!!!

First, I would like to give my apologies for not blogging for the past two weeks.  I know I am falling down on the job and I have got to try to do better!  

So, I know I have talked about how much I love Fall.  It has always been my favorite season!  It is almost the end of October and I think that Fall has finally arrived!  We had our first day where it started out cool and stayed cool from daylight til dark.  That day was this past Friday, October 25, 2013.  

That day started out a wonderful weekend!  Johnnie and I met some friends for a camping trip.  We LOVE to go camping.  We have camped all over the country, but this was a really great trip because we live about five miles away from a really nice state park.  Johnnie was off on Friday so he got the camper all packed up and took it to the park where he had it set up by the time I got home from school.  There were no "Are we there yets?" or "How much longers?"  I simply stepped out of my car and was THERE!!!

This was a special weekend at Lake Claiborne State Park.  This was the weekend when they did their Halloween festivities.  Campers decorated their campsites and children came round on a hayride to trick or treat.  We also had a visit by some good friends.  It was fun to fellowship with them.  Now we are working on getting them into camping.  I know they would LOVE it! (Hint Hint Jennifer!)

My dad and step mother were at the campground too.  They come to camp host every October.  The weekend was kinda packed with stuff to do but it was still good to get to spend a little time with them.  Daddy cooked a jambalaya and it was FABULOUS!!!  

Katie and Beckham also came to spend the day.  I was so very glad to see them!  I hate living so far away and not being around that baby more.  I do know, however, that he knows who his Yaya is!  I was really worried that he would see me as some stranger since I don't see him daily.  He made it clear, however, that he does know Yaya!  That makes my heart happy because I love that little baby boy with my whole heart!  

He is so smart!  His vocabulary is HUGE for his age and it's wild to watch how he actually listens to you when you're talking to him.  He follows directions (most of the time) and I can't help it but it is a little funny to me how he ignores when he doesn't want to do what he is being asked to do.  Typical boy!!!  He loves outside!  He is so good natured!  I am really thankful because I know how spoiled he is and it would be easy for him to be a difficult baby.  We are so blessed that he is NOT!!!

As happy as I am with the way this weekend turned out, I also have a heavy heart!  My mama's older brother (Uncle Harold) is really sick and will likely not be with us much longer.  I could be all philosophical and say "He won't be suffering ..... bla bla bla..." but the truth is my heart hurts for my aunt and cousins.  My faith tells me exactly where he is going and I know, without a doubt, that my mama will be waiting for him when his time comes.  If there is a bright spot to all of this, that is it!  I can hear her saying "Genie is here!!!!"  I know she will be so happy to see him again!

Mama and Uncle Harold were probably the closest of the Robertson siblings.  I believe their closeness came from them having to protect one another from eating foods that might make them sick when they were children.  They both shared some really weird food allergies.  

I just got a phone call and my uncle passed away this morning.  I am thankful and sad at the same time.  I have said it before and I will say it again... I AM SOOOOOO READY FOR JESUS TO COME BACK FOR US!!!  No more sickness, no more heartache and NO MORE DEATH!!!  At least I do have the assurance that Jesus died on a cross for me so that my sins could be forgiven and I be promised everlasting life!!!  

Lastly, I have signed up to participate in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure!!!  This is something I have always wanted to do.  Katie, Beckham and I will be strolling the 5K route next Saturday.  I feel blessed to be able to participate in this with my sweet girl and grand baby!  I hope to post pictures of the event and blogging about it next week!  I do promise to do better with my blogging!!!

Here is a link if you are interested in donating to the Susan G Koman foundation!  Let's cure ALL cancers!!!  I HATE CANCER!!!!!

https://secure.info-komen.org/site/Donation2?idb=1533885247&df_id=9942&9942.donation=form1&DONATION_LEVEL_ID_SELECTED=3461&idb=1373665404&9942.donation=root&df_id=9942

Now for the photo bomb!!!  It was a great weekend!

HAPPY!

I know I haven't blogged since Mama's birthday, and it's not that I didn't want to, but you know life gets in the way sometimes!  Anyway, I am here at my daughter and son-in-law's and I am spending part of my fall break doing the thing I love best!  I am being Yaya to my sweet Beckham.  The timing is perfect since my Fall break came right at Johnnie's birthday.  I was able to spend quality time with him and then able to travel and have a little time with the other ones who are so precious to me!

He is growing like a weed!  I am amazed at his vocabulary and that his receptive language skills are so amazing!  I know most of the children I work with are delayed, but I still feel like he is a little ahead of the curve!  I know he is the cutest thing I've been around since his mama was in diapers! LOL  He is so happy and funny and becoming so animated.  I know I am going to hate leaving tomorrow!!!  Oh well, the holidays are coming and there will be lots of Yaya time in the near future!  I know his grump loves him too and I am so thankful that he understands that sometimes I just need some baby-kisses!

I think my insides are starting to calm down some from the rocky start of my school year.  I have to admit that this isn't happening without some professional help and advice!  I finally broke down and went to see my doctor to talk to him about what all's been going on in my head.  I am very relieved to find out that he doesn't agree with my self-diagnosis of early Alzheimer's disease!  I think I had nerved myself up into convincing myself that I was in the early stages of the horrible disease that stole my mother from me all those years ago. It did give me some relief when he told me that he didn't think that I could be that unlucky!  I know he was a little tongue in cheek with me, and it is something that is on my mind, but maybe I am being a little premature! I think I have to agree with his recommendation that I stop trying to borrow trouble!  I think there is even a scripture about just that thing.  Matthew 6:24 talks about  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." NIV   I really need to remember that!

We are just now coming up into what I consider to be my most favorite time of year.  I know I have talked about Fall before and now that it is here I am even more excited about it!  I got to bring my sweet Beckham a very large pumpkin and I really think he liked it!  Katie's back porch is so cutely decorated for fall.  I can't wait to see what she does with the pumpkin, and I can not wait to see my sweet baby in his costume! He will be the cutest Scooby Doo there ever was!

The first part of Fall Break was a huge success!   Johnnie and I were able to celebrate his birthday in Hot Springs with a few friends.  We rode scooters and did a little sight seeing and just really enjoyed some down time.  It didn't even matter that we had to ride in the rain one day.  I think the older I get the more I understand that sometimes it is just a good thing to get out and play in the rain!  It cleanses the soul!  I love that we are coming into the best camping weather.  I hope there are many more trips in our future (before it gets too cold and yucky).

All I know is that I really needed this break!  I needed ALL OF IT!!!

I know this blog is a little fractured.  I think part of the reason for it is that I haven't blogged for a little while.  I guess my head was just in a bad place and I really didn't want to just spill it out in my blog.  I wanted to wait until the storm passed and I am happy to say that it finally did!

So, here's what else that is on my mind:

• I still have not smoked since before Labor Day!  This e-cig is really working!  Maybe one day I will be able to put it down, but for now it is doing what I need it to do.  I am not smoking and I am not feeling like I want to hurt anybody!  I have shared my find with some friends and family and I think it is working for them as well.  Johnnie's even trying to turn this new find into a small business venture.  I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but I can say so far so good!  We just might have stumbled onto something really great!

• I am still enjoying my Sunday drives to West Monroe for church.  I think that being able to be with family more is doing me a lot of good!  I am coming to realize that when my mother died I really tried to isolate myself and avoid family for a long time.  I am not sure exactly why I did that, but I have some ideas.  At any rate, I know that while that might be a quick fix to avoid some heartache, it is hardly a long term solution.  There was a time when I thought that coming from a family that was close was a kind of curse.  I felt like everybody knew everything about everybody else and it was just pressure that I didn't want to have on myself at that time.  I know now that it's not a curse at all, rather it is a blessing.  It is good to know where I  come from.  Sometimes a hug from an aunt or uncle is just what I need to keep myself grounded.  I come from a really great family.  I think I took them for granted for a while but I am working to fix that!

• I know that I am not alone in feeling a big perturbed over the fact that our government is currently shut down.  Grown men and women in Washington DC are acting like spoiled children.  It is common knowledge that there are lots of problems in the society in which are living.  The bottom line is that we (the working folks) simply can not afford much more of this!  The people who were elected to govern this country are all talking out of both sides of their head and it leaves me feeling like I just don't trust any of them anymore!   I am a fiscal conservative.  I do, however, feel it my duty as a Christian to take care of those in need.  That's where the trouble starts.  The definition of NEED has drastically changed and what we have now is something we simply can not afford!  It's simple economics.  When my family's money gets "funny", we get little.  We tighten the belt and do what we need to do to make ends meet again.  Unfortunately the government does not follow the same blueprint.  The result, is what we are seeing now.  The wheels have stopped and this side is left pointing at that side and that side is calling this side names..... Progress stops!  My faith tells me that this is part of God's plan.  I don't understand the book of Revelations, but I can't help but think that this is part of the means to that end.  I guess I would be afraid if I didn't know that my debt had already been paid.  Jesus died on the cross so that I don't have to be afraid of what lies ahead!   I didn't deserve such a sacrifice, but I am so thankful for it!  

So that's where I will wind it up for now.  Beckham is up and it's time to PLAY!!!!!  This grandma thing is probably the funnest thing I have ever been a part of in my whole life!!!!!!  Life is good!

Happy Birthday!!!

Today's blog post is dedicated to my sweet sweet mother!  Today would've been her 72nd birthday.  I know that she is in Heaven with her mama and daddy and all the dear ones who have gone on before us. I know that they are having a celebration that is so grand that we can not even imagine how spectacular it is!  I can see a huge bowl of fresh fruit salad sitting beside an angel food cake that is beautifully decorated with pink fluffy 7 minute icing and cherries and an ice cold Coke on some "good" ice that has been washed just the way she liked it!

Several years have passed since she was called home, and I find myself counting backwards as I try to remember how old she would have been.  I often wonder how life might have been if she had been given more time on this earth.  My faith tells me that wanting her here with me is absolutely selfish.  I think of an old church song that says, "This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through!", and my soul knows that this is true, but my heart still misses her dearly!

Mama wasn't much for photographs.  I'm not really sure why that is.  To me, she was one of the most beautiful and stylish ladies I have ever been around, but for whatever reason I find that I have very few photographs of her.  I do cherish those which I still possess!

My mother was the epitome of what one might consider to be a fine southern lady.  She was kind, strong, fearless, loyal and loving.  She was a most excellent councilor and in many ways she was the glue that held our family together. She set such a fine example for those of us who loved her!

I think back to a time long ago, when I was a little girl.  I couldn't have been more than 6 years old.   I am not sure why I had it on my mind, but I asked her if she would live long enough for me to be able to take care of myself.  I remember feeling really relieved when she promised that she would.

Flash forward over 25 years...Sitting in an oncologist's office with my parents I heard a prognosis that brought me to my knees!  12 to 18 months is what the doctor had to say.  I felt like the wind had been knocked completely out of my lungs.  I wasn't ready.... I wasn't even close to ready!  I was sad.  I was shocked.  I was TERRIFIED!

Nearly a year later I found myself sitting in prayer for Mama.  I begged God to come back for us so that my family wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing her.  I said that prayer so many times I lost count!  As I prayed I found myself wondering, "Can I take care of myself?".  Maybe I could, but I sure didn't want to!

Over the next few years I wished for more!  I wanted more time.  I wanted more lessons.  I wanted more memories.  I just wanted more!

I don't know exactly when, but I did come to understand that while her body isn't here any more, she is still all around!  I saw her the other day when I walked up on my aunt Jan in the foyer at the church building.  I see her in the facial expressions my sweet Beckham makes all the time.  He wrinkles his little nose up and smiles and it's like she is looking right at me!  I have seen a glimpse of her in my own reflection in the mirror from time to time!  I feel her in the conversations that I have with my sweet Katie and everyone else who was lucky enough to know an love her!  I sometimes get messages from her  through songs on the radio and sometimes she visits me in my dreams!  I even hear her in the words that come out of my own mouth at times!  I can hear her voice in my head and she is coming in loud and clear!  So you see, loved ones may travel on to the kingdom of Heaven, but they never really leave us.  We just have to be alert and aware and willing to receive the messages that are coming our way!

This doesn't mean that I miss her any less, but it does give me comfort to know that she isn't really gone. The thing I am most thankful for is the fact that I know that there will come a day in which we will all come together again, in the presence of our king and savior, and there will be no more tears, no more sickness and no more death!  I am most thankful for the gift of everlasting life that comes from obeying the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

So I say..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!  Enjoy your celebration in Heaven and save a place for me!  I will be there soon!

How Do You Know?

Well, I've been awake since abou 1:30 am.  I'm not exactly sure why, but it is going to make for a LONG day!!!  So, with 2 cups of coffee in already, here I sit waiting on time to go to work.

I went back and read some of my older blog posts.  I think I am liking where my head was then a lot better than I am liking where my head is now.  Last week was not a good one.  I felt angry and wounded.  This week is a LOT better.  I can say that I don't feel angry any more, but the events of last week have left me feeling really introspective.  I don't like this restlessness I am feeling!

I told a girlfriend the other day that I felt as lost as I did the first year I taught.  That was the toughest and fastest year of my entire life!  I felt like I was treading water for dear life.  It was EXHAUSTING!  This year I am probably busier than I have ever been as a teacher.  I don't mind being busy all day.  It makes the time pass faster.  What I don't like is feeling busy and flailing at the same time.  Changes have left me feeling like I can't get my feet under me.  All this has caused me to start questioning a lot of things!  Nobody's fussing at me.  The problem is that I am my absolute worst critic.  I wish I knew how to turn it down a notch because the voice in my head is so loud it is keeping me awake at night and I am not liking that either.

In January I made some positive conscious decisions.  I decided to take action and do some things that I have needed to do for a long time.  I decided I wanted to be as healthy and happy as I could possibly be.  I decided that I wanted to make it a point to enjoy my life.  I chased a dream for about 10 years and in December I saw that dream through to fruition.  I also made the decision to regain control of my health.  I have taken steps toward becoming physically healthier.  I started working on quitting smoking, exercising and eating healthier.  Looking back I can see that the common denominator in all of that was that all these things had to do with things that I could control through my own choices.  I also made the conscious choice to work on my spiritual life.  I know that all these things are from God and I ask his guidance as I continue to make the necessary choices.

So now, as I find myself feeling a little restless I find myself praying about it and also asking what part of this is within my control?  I am praying for guidance daily.  I am praising God for all that he has done for me.  In my prayers I am asking God to show me the way I should go.  I guess the problem is that I am an impatient child and I am looking for some kind of roadside billboard  or spotlight to show me the way.  I know he will answer, but will it be a subtle answer or a glaring sign?  If you are reading this, please pray for me.  Please ask God to guide me.  Please ask him to calm this restlessness one way or the other.  Please ask him to quiet that really loud voice in my head that keeps telling me I am a failure.  Please ask him to lessen my frustration level and to give me back my joy!  I don't think anybody is necessarily stealing it from me, but right now I am not feeling it!

I am making an executive decision.  I have decided that this will be the last negative post on my blog, if I can help it.  I want to get back to talking about the things that make me happy.  Those are the things that are important!

One thing that makes me the happiest is my sweet little Beckham.  His smile makes my heart leap with joy!  I worried that he might not know his Yaya the way that I want him to since I live so far away, but the other day I got one of those glaring signs I am talking about.  Katie and I were face-timing and she had given him the phone.  He was fussing when she took it back so that I could see him.  I started to sing a song to him that I have been singing to him since the day he came home from the hospital.  It's a silly little song, but it special to me and I wanted it to be special to him too.  Well, anyway, when I started singing he got immediately quiet and looked and listened while I sang and he smiled at the end.  He knows "our" song and he knows HIS Yaya loves him!!!  THAT, my friends, is what life is all about!!!

What A Week!

From the first year I taught school I have felt that the short weeks are always the worst and the week following Labor Day was NO EXCEPTION.  I will get to that in a minute, but first:

I am going to pat myself on the back a little bit.  Before school started this year I set a goal to exercise 3 times per week.  I can happily report that I have exceeded that goal and been regularly exercising at least 5 days per week.  Now I have set a mini-goal to try to do 7 days in a row.  NO I am not a skinny mini yet, but I can say that I have found that I feel better after exercising in the morning.

I choose the mornings to do my workouts because I heard that doing it later in the evening might keep me awake at night.  If you know me, you know that I have NEVER been one to want to work out or sweat, so I had no idea if that theory was real or legend.  I am finding that there may actually be something to that whole endorphin thing.  I am finding that I feel really good following my workouts.  I am waiting to see if this feeling continues.

I am also proud to report that I have not smoked a cigarette since the Friday morning before Labor Day.  This is HUGE news given the fact that I have been a pretty regular smoker for over 30 years. If you do the math, yes I did start when I was about 13 or 14 years old.  I am not proud of that, but it is what it is!  I can gladly say that what I have been doing this week seems to be working so I will continue on with that part of my journey!

The camping trip last weekend was great and I sure did appreciate the extra day off on Monday, however, losing that day had me worried that my week was going to be extraordinarily hectic.  Let me just say that the week did not disappoint my expectations.  By 3:30 pm on Friday I was more than glad that it was over!

To say that I love my job is an understatement.  I absolutely love the tasks that are associated with working with children with exceptionalities and delays.  I am lucky that I often spend years working with the same children and can really see their progress over time.  I LOVE that they smile when they see me because they know we are about to go "play".  I LOVE that when many of these children are 8 or 9 years old they still run to me to share a hug.  I honestly believe that that is a wonderful legacy to leave!

Unfortunately, that's not the only thing that my work days consist of.  That's where the trouble starts!
The bottom line is that I know what my job is.  I worked hard to learn how to do it and I know that I can do it!  I wish that I had thicker skin, but unfortunately I do not.  I don't even know if that is something that I could or should work to acquire.  What I do need to work on is how my emotions take over in stressful situations.  I let my anger and frustration get the best of me and it reduced me to tears.  Not only is that unprofessional, but it is unnecessary in the scheme of things!

I am safe.  I am comfortable.  I have a strong faith in God.  I know that he loves me with all my flaws!  I have a strong marriage and can depend on my husband to support me when I don't think I can stand on my own.  My family is healthy, happy and prosperous!  THOSE are the things that are the most important!  My greatest desire is to live a life that glorifies God!  That is what my real LIFE is!  Everything else is nonsense!

I am blessed to have a job that I love, but in the end it is just a job!  A job is the place to go to in order to earn the money needed for life!  That is why they call it WORK!!!   I guess sometimes we need reminding of that.  Ok then, I got it!

I am looking really forward to next week for several reasons.  It's a chance to start anew!


The best part is that even though I felt so stressed I did not deviate from my diet or exercise plan!  I really wanted a vat of chocolate, but I didn't eat it, and I DID NOT SMOKE!!!

This year's motto is turning into:                    






                                                                       TAKE A STEP BACK
                                                                                BREATHE
                                                            REEVALUATE THE SITUATION
                                                                              TRY AGAIN!!

Off And Running!

When I sat down to blog this morning it felt like it had been FOREVER since I wrote, but in actuality it was only about two weeks.  That speaks volumes about how busy life can be sometimes.  So, as I sit here and write, I can't help but warn you that this blog post may be a little scattered or disconnected because that's the way my thoughts are today.  I hope you can bear with me and in the end this makes sense!

School is off and running!  It took me a week to get myself organized to a point where I will be ready to serve my students when they come back tomorrow.  I hope I got it together enough for them.  I am very thankful that all my students aren't actually coming back until after the holiday because there is NO WAY I could have prepared myself in less time.  I am looking so forward to seeing what they all have been up to over the break!  Some of my babies have moved on into elementary school but there will be new faces to take their spots so my year will be very busy!

Johnnie and I made it home from a wonderful family get together in Texas.  We met our niece and a bunch of her family at a really nice campground and spent the weekend relaxing in the pool and visiting with loved ones.  It was really great!  I've said it before and I will say it again, "I am so glad that my in-laws are NORMAL!"  We have such fun together and there's not a bunch of weirdness with any of them.  It makes me really look forward to being together!  I hate that we only see each other a few times a year, but I guess a few times are better than no times so I will count my blessings!

Today marks the "official" last day of summer, but as hot as it is outside it feels like summer is here to stay for a little while longer!  We've had a fabulous Summer, but I am soooo looking forward to Fall!  I love everything that comes along with the Autumn season and I can't wait for it to get here in full force!

Fall has always been my most favorite time of year.  I love the first "real" Fall day, when the weather is cool in the morning and stays cool all through the day!  I love the way that breathing in that cool air feels in my lungs!  I love needing to grab a sweater as I head out the door!  I think my love of Fall comes from the fact that it is filled with so very many sweet memories!  To me Fall means comfort!

I love Football!  It's a sort of institution among my family.  My mother might have been the biggest LSU Tiger football fan who never attended the college!  My earliest memories of Christmas at our house involved a beautifully decorated Christmas tree that had a Mike The Tiger ornament at the top instead of a star or an angel.  Another sweet memory of my childhood is how my mother would play a cassette tape or CD of the Golden Band From Tiger Land in the days leading up to the first football game of the season.  She would pretend that she was a majorette and would twirl her "air" baton while the band played in the background.  Her movements and facial expressions were PRICELESS!  She would spin, twirl and throw her imaginary prop and even reach down to pick it up off the ground when she'd missed a fake catch!  It was truly one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life!

I love to think about memories like that.  In her last few years of life that kind of joy seemed to be stolen I away from her and it made me so sad to watch.  I am so thankful that in my lifetime of memories there are more of the happy ones than the sad ones!  I know that I am lucky and blessed!

I also associate crisp fall days with some of my favorite family recipes.  Mama would make the first sweet potato pies of the season just as soon as the temperature dropped.  Another thing that went with fall was Chicken Andouille Gumbo with Potato Salad and Fluffy Steamed Rice!  Just thinking about it is making my mouth water!

Another thing I like about Fall is that it brings on the start of the holiday season!  The time between Halloween and Mardi Gras was always my favorite time of year.  I loved it as a child and young adult.  I think that after Mama passed away I tried my best to avoid that time of the year, but in my heart it was still my favorite.  I guess that's why I wanted to avoid it.  I buried a big piece of my heart with my mother and for years I felt like nothing would ever be the same.  All these years later I know that I was both right and wrong!  No things will not be the same, but there are still memories to be made.  I have always believed that my sweet little Beckham rekindled my holiday spirit!  Now all I want to do is share all the family stories and traditions with him and all the little ones who come after him!   It is funny, I have heard all about how grand children can change you and now I know that what I heard was the truth!  It's like they make old things new again!

In other news, I've been dieting for about a month.  I am not actually calling it "dieting", but more like "lifestyle changing" instead.  I am still not drinking diet cokes and I am upping my daily water intake.  I have also added some kind of daily activity.  I have been working out with my Wii almost every morning.  I track my caloric intake on a computer program called myfitnesspal.  I have set the program with what I weigh and what I would like to lose and my activity level and it tells me how many calories to eat.  From everything I have read the fads just don't work, but if you keep calories in check and add exercise, positive results will come.  I've been at it for about a month and am about 13 lbs down so I must be doing something right.  Now the trick is to keep it up!  I have ordered some new Wii games and accessories.  I can't wait until they get here so I can change things up a little bit!  I am making some much needed lifestyle changes.  I want a healthier life.  I am even making a real effort to stop the nasty smoking habit I have had for more years than I would like to even count!

This is my fourth day with no cigarettes.  Our niece told me about vapor cigarettes that let you gradually wean down the nicotine while still simulating the action of smoking, but the only thing you exhale is water vapor.  It looks like smoke but doesn't stink or irritate others and if what the research has said is true it doesn't have all the things that cigarettes have that cause cancer.  I am keeping a positive attitude and I am pleased to say, "So far, so good!"