June 20th is a day that I wish I could skip every year! It's the day that my mother laid her earthly burdens down and went to live with Jesus. I have thought about June 20, 2006 (and the days that lead up to it) soooooo many times over the past 7 years. I have prayed that it wouldn't come, I've been angry about it and I even tried to bargain with God about it, but it came nonetheless!
The loss my family suffered on that day was staggering! Mama was so important to so many people! She was the glue that held my family together. She was the center point where my family came together. She was the heart of family gatherings during the holidays!
To me she was an incredible teacher and example of how a Christian woman, wife and mother should behave. My biggest regret, in life, is that it took me so long to realize that!
I spent a long time feeling inadequate and feeling like I would never measure up to her "over-achiever" way of doing things. I now know that she wasn't an "over-achiever" at all.... What she was was a lady who believed in always putting forth your best effort. I have come to understand that if you live your life that way, the achievements will naturally follow! Her work ethic was incredible, but it was nothing in comparison to her loyalty regarding family!
To other family members, she was like "True North". She faced issues HEAD ON and didn't sugar coat things, but she would never turn a family member away if they needed her! She found a way to work through issues that were set in front of her and managed them with grace and style! She was a most excellent councilor and problem solver! She had a strength that I envy to this very day!
To a little blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl she called Lula she was EVERYTHING! I feel blessed to have been a witness to the transformation that a grandchild caused in her! I watched Mama soften into a little girl again, when she played with Katie! I didn't understand it until I got my first "Grand". Now I can understand exactly what she was feeling! I was sad for my little Beckham, that he might never know what that kind of love felt like. I have come to understand, however, that he does get to have it and the reason that he does is because she showed me how! I love that I can look at his facial expressions sometimes and see her grinning at me!
And so, I cry today because I MISS HER, but I smile and thank God that she was here!!!! I thank her for living a Christian life and setting before me a road-map and teaching me the lessons that I would need in order to lead a Christian life myself! Most of all I thank God for his son and the promise that we will all be together again because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!
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