Happy Monday!

The house is calm & cleaned up.  There's nobody here but me.  I've even got clean linens on the bed and the bathroom is clean!  Laundry is going and I even made a point of separating my white and dark clothes the way my mama taught me! (She'd die if she knew I didn't always do my laundry that way. hehe)  So as I sit here and look around I can see that now is the time to sit down and get some thoughts organized and blogged about!

I don't know if other teachers are like this, but I am finding that it is at about this point of every summer break that I find myself wanting to nest a little and get things organized for the upcoming school year.  We still have about four weeks left, but I know that Fall will be here before we know it!

Last week was full of love and laughter!  My dear friend Rita came to spend a few days with us in the early part of the week.  We laughed, cooked, ate, fished and had a wonderful time!  We brainstormed about some projects (I will share more when we really get things started!).  I know that her heart is still aching and I don't know that I will ever be able to make that stop for her, but at least we can laugh together in between the tears!  She told me that she felt totally comfortable with Johnnie and me and that made me VERY happy! My mother had a gift for being a gracious hostess and it's something that I have always hoped that I picked up from her!

I know that all relationships involve a bit of work.  First you have to make the decision to invest in a friendship at all, but once the choice is made, the rewards that come from it are such blessings!  I love her and she loves Johnnie and me and that makes me glad!

Love and kindness are both action words!  I think that they are both a type of habit as well.  They don't cost much, if anything, but their rewards are endless.  It's sad, but I know people who, for whatever reason, don't understand that.  I've gone over and over it in my head, and tried to think about what might cause a person not to be kind or loving, and in the end I can't help but think I am over-analyzing a bunch of nonsense, or bad manners, or poor home training!

I am lucky, no I am BLESSED that I am in a marriage where my husband values kindness and love as much as I do.  Not just in our relationship, but in the way that he treats others (with the exception of criminals!).  We talked about it quite a bit this weekend.  We were discussing people's relationships and our observations of how some people treat one another.  I don't think we were being hypercritical either, because we both witnessed some situations where men and women were simply unkind to one another.  These are people who took marriage vows to love each other until they were separated by death!  So it got me to thinking, when did those feelings change and what brought it on?  Is it something that happens all of the sudden, or over a period of time?  Could it have been fixed? Could it still be fixed?  Who knows!

It made me sad that those kinds of relationships even exist.  Life is hard enough when your home and relationship is in a happy place.  I have lived in situations when mine was not and I wouldn't wish those feelings on my worst enemy!  I don't proclaim to be some kind of relationship expert, and I would never try to fix somebody else's world, but I can't help it.... it makes me sad to see it!  I have thought that I wish that I had the courage to address it, but then I wonder if it's even any of my business.  I just know that it is REALLY hard to watch!  I guess, in the end, it's their choice to behave that way.  I am just glad that's not the life that I live!

In other news, my sweet Beckham had his first birthday party.  His mommy did the best job of planning and organizing things.  She's is really good at that kind of thing, better than I ever thought about being!  His daddy came home, just in time, and made it a Mickey's Clubhouse Extravaganza!!!  I know they were both worn out after putting in so much work.  Even though my sweet baby won't likely remember it, we do have some great memories and wonderful photos and videos to remind us all!  I had been anxious about some potential weird situations, and I am thankful that I was worried for nothing.  I am going to work on, and pray that the things I worry about will work themselves out without drama or hurt feelings.  I am going to focus on loving that little baby boy and not waste a minute of my time or energy on nonsense!

I know I have gushed about this before, but I am just so thankful that my angel has such good parents.  He is surrounded by people who genuinely love him.  He is CRAZY about his daddy and I know he feels the same.  It does my heart good to see his mommy and daddy working together for him.

It's hard to believe that he's been with us for a year already.  He is growing an learning so much every day.  His little personality is really coming out now.  He is busy, happy, healthy, smart, sweet & inquisitive.  I never imagined such a blessing!

So my other goals for this week include keeping in this nesting mode I have going.  I guess that means I will work on organizing closets & classrooms & lesson plans so I will be ready to hit the ground running in August!  The other goal is to get back to church!  I missed Sunday because we had other plans.  I just really need to put Church on the plan weekly and let everything else fall in place around that!
Here comes the photo bomb!

Have a blessed week!

Unexpected Blog Today!

Hmmm..... Boy can plans change sometimes!  First, I was not planning on blogging today and was even planning, in my mind, that my next blog would be to celebrate my sweet Beckham's first birthday. Yep, those were the plans that I had in my head...... I keep thinking about that old saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him what your plans are!"

Anyway, I am thinking that God had other plans for me today, and here is why:

Katie and I had planned to meet up at church in Shreveport this morning.  That has kind of been a weekend thing for us and we both enjoy getting together whenever we can.  Summer's been so busy and we've both been going in a zillion different directions and so meeting up has been a problem.  I looked forward to being with them today and honestly was a little sad, at first, when it didn't work out.

So then I had a couple of options.  I considered staying home, and then I thought about driving to West Monroe to go to church with some family.  Then, at the last possible minute I reached out to a girlfriend that I teach with and decided to meet her for church.  I should have felt really rushed since I was hurrying trying to make it in time for Sunday School, but that wasn't the case.  I knew I was headed to where I was supposed to be going and that made me happy!

Further proof that I was right where I was supposed to be came with the lesson that was shared by a visiting preacher.  He didn't know me, but it felt like he was speaking directly to me.  I LOVE IT WHEN GOD TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT!!! Sometimes I just need a little reminder and I am thankful that today I got it!
He talked about how Christians compartmentalize their lives.  I know I am guilty of that!  Then he brought up one's personal relationship with God.  He was right when he pointed out how our relationship with God should be personal, but not PRIVATE!  I think that's where I have had it wrong for a while.  I would say, "God and me are good!"  God and me are good, but I don't think he wants me to avoid building church/family relationships.

So I guess that's what I need to work on. As much as I enjoy attending Simple Church in Shreveport, I don't know how realistic it is to think that I could be as active as I ought to be if the body of Christians I worship with are so far away.  I know myself!  It's easy to attend sporadically when the body I worship with is so far away.  So now it's on me to be an active Christian and not rest on my laurels.

Soooooo I got the message LOUD AND CLEAR!!!    I will be working on my personal (not private) relationship with God!

What I Have Learned

I have not blogged in a few days.  It's not that there hasn't been lots going on, but I just needed to wait until there was enough down time to really reflect and get some thoughts organized.  So here goes!

There are only about six weeks left in this year's summer vacation.  It seems like it's flown by!  I guess that is mainly because we've been so busy this summer.  It's a good kind of busy because it is all about family and people I love! I am so thankful for the memories I have made and hope the lord blesses me with many years and a million future memories!

It's the night before my birthday and that's usually an exciting time for me.  This year has been a little different though.  Not that anything is going on necessarily, but I just got to thinking about something the other day.  It seems like the older I get, the faster life flies by.  It's a little scary how fast the time flies sometimes.

I can remember, when I was little, it seemed like it took FOREVER to get from Christmas to my birthday.  Now it seems like I blink and it's Thanksgiving, and then in a flash it's Christmas and now I will turn 44 tomorrow.  I was telling Johnnie, this morning, how I can remember vividly when I was in single digits.  He just laughed and said that I wasn't old.  I told him that I was half way to 88, and he replied, "Well then you're only half old".  I've had that on my mind all day!  I guess what's really on my mind has to do with the fact that I have unexpectedly lost friends recently and had some near misses with others.  It just reminds me of just how precious life is.

I have often felt like I squandered a lot of precious time when I was younger.  I don't know if it was due to lack of direction, or misdirection, or just plain apathy, but it just took me a while to get going in a true direction. I wonder if I am alone in feeling this way?  Maybe that's my biggest question.  Is it normal to come to a point where you question the life that you have already had and wonder if there will be enough time ahead of you to do all the things there are to be done?  Maybe that's my problem.  Maybe I got into my stride a little late and now I am just afraid that I won't get to all the things I want to while I am here!  Even that thought raises a bunch of other things to consider!

I mean, my faith teaches me that this world is not my home!  This life is temporary and I am on a mission to live so that I can spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven, but that doesn't mean that I should want to rush through this life, does it? I don't want to hurry through life just to get it over with.  I would like to be able to enjoy every moment I can and leave my mark along the way!  I don't want to miss a thing!  Maybe it's the hurrying to get all the life experiences in that makes the years fly by..... There seems to be no solution to that problem.  If I sit idle maybe life will slow down, but boy won't I miss out on the fun?  If I rush to get to everything my life will be full, but likely fly by in the blink of an eye.  I guess if I have to choose between the two, and I don't see any other choices. I choose to fill my life with love, experiences and all the things that make the best memories & I will let the time take care of itself!  Besides, I would way rather be remembered for really living life.

Sure, I have some regrets over the last 44 years.  I am sure that there is not a human alive anywhere who doesn't have regrets, but I have also learned a great many things about myself and others along the way.

This is what I have learned:

• I do not have to make excuses for ANY of my feelings
• I am so much more than the sum of my past mistakes
• There is room in life for do-overs
• Time does heal broken hearts
• You can find REAL love when and where you least expect it
• If you are blessed enough to find it, hold it tight with both hands
• When you do the right thing, the right things happen
• Time is the most precious commodity there is

So, I guess I am staring down another birthday and although I am not overly excited about it this year, I am hardly scared of it either!  

Holidays and Ordinary Days

Happy Birthday America!!!  Today is July 4th, but we won't have our celebration around here until tomorrow.  We live on the lake and every year there is a HUGE fireworks display on or around the 4th.  There are lots of things going on to make this year's celebration super special!

My Katie and Beckham have been here since Monday evening.  I LOVE having them in the house.  I can't get over how much he's grown.  He is almost a year old and walking everywhere!  He thinks he needs to re-arrange things everywhere he goes!  It's funny how he has a house full of toys to play with, but the only things he is interested in are cans of vegetables (tomato paste specifically), water bottles, and any piece of technology that he is not supposed to be messing with.  It's hard to fuss since he's so stinking cute!  I am working on it though.  I am looking for that balance between helping him grow into a polite, kind, sweet, loving little boy who follows the rules and respects his elders, and "Anything Goes at Yaya's house!".  Like I said, I am working on it!

We are also super excited that Johnnie's son and daughter in law and the grand girls will be coming to spend the day with us as well.    I do believe it will be the first time that our whole family will be together at the same time.  Well this isn't the whole family, as our son in law is in Alaska working, but I will take what I can get.  Family was always so important, when I was growing up.  Holidays always included numerous aunts, uncles, cousins & grandparents.  I am excited to be able to be hosting the party for our kids, and hope that this begins a wonderful tradition.

This will also be the first year that we get to participate in the flotilla parade.  We've been on the lake shore for the last 5 years, but this year we have a party barge so we can actively participate in the parade and then go out in the lake to see the fireworks up close.  We have talked about wanting to do that for years and we are finally getting to.  I don't know who is more excited, Johnnie, or me!  Can't wait to post photos of the day/evening.

This has been a fun and busy week!  I put up several bags of peaches in the freezer.  Now Johnnie can have his favorite fruit & ice cream long after the season is over.  I also took my first shot at making pickles.  Actually I had made dill pickles a few weeks ago at my girlfriend's house, but I have never tried to make bread & butter pickles.  I was able to get taste them today and both types are delicious, if I say so myself!  I am pretty proud of the way they turned out.  They are beautiful to look at and DELICIOUS!!!

I couldn't help but laugh to myself tonight at dinner.  Katie was wondering what we were going to eat and said that she could not eat another tuna fish sandwich.  Johnnie wanted tuna fish.  So I was left no choice but to open up Amy's short order kitchen.  I didn't mind it at all, especially because I can remember my mama doing the exact same thing.  I guess that's where I get it from! It all worked out in the end.  Everybody went to bed full and happy and that makes me happy!

I have spent this week thinking, and planning and thinking some more.  I have thought about the way in which some of my most important relationships have changed and grown throughout the years.  I have thought about the prayers that were sent up when things were not going the way I would have liked them to be going.    I sent up even more prayers thanking God for helping all of us to find that connection to one another again.  The peace that comes with that kind of forgiveness is not something that happens by accident, and it is definitely not something that should ever be taken for granted.  I am thankful for holidays and for ordinary days!

I Still Do!

The month of June has been a little rougher than usual this year. I can't say I am not glad it's almost over!  I can say that this last week has been really nice.

June 24th was mine and my husband's 9th anniversary. It was an uneventful day. In fact, my husband had to work that day so I ended up spending the majority of it by myself. That didn't bother me though, because it gave me some time to  really stop and think about this marvelous journey we have been on. 

If you had told me, a little over nine years ago, that I would be so happily married at this time in my life, I would have likely told you to go get your head examined!  Fast forward nine years later and I still catch myself scratching my head and looking around, wondering, how in the world did I get here?

I won't even try to take the credit and I won't give it to my husband either.  It's not luck that got me here either. It is a GOD thing!  So nine years after the fact I can honestly say, "I still do!"

God brought us here.   Faithfulness, love, communication and dedication have made our home a fun, loving and safe place to land!  If I had one wish for all the married couples I know, it would be for all their homes to be built on that same foundation!

Other highlights  this week included a visit from my sweet cousin and her baby-girl and my daddy and his wife. It was really nice to get to spend time with all of them!  

I am so proud of my cousin!  She is making some needed changes and looking ahead to a bright future!  She comes from good stock. I hate that some of the people around her are less than supportive at times, but that's on them!  I have told her and I hope she remembers that is their stuff and not hers!  They will have to answer for themselves sooner or later. We ALL will!  While I consider myself FAR from perfect, I am glad that I only have to answer for my choices and no one else's!  It goes back to a philosophy I have held for a while now. I have long felt that members of the human race could learn everything theyneed to  know to be successful in life through a quality character education program!  All the fusses in marriages, families, races, religions and nations could be settled!  Boy would that free up some time for some folks!

I have some things on my mind and could use some prayers right about now.  All I can say is that I feel like satan is trying to mess with some folks I care a lot about, but my God is sooooo much better and stronger than he.  Maybe that's the test for me!  I have to give my fears and worries to God. Then comes the hard part.... I have to not take them back!  That's what I will do!  Like I said, prayers needed!

Missing Mama Today

June 20th is a day that I wish I could skip every year! It's the day that my mother laid her earthly burdens down and went to live with Jesus. I have thought about June 20, 2006 (and the days that lead up to it) soooooo many times over the past 7 years. I have prayed that it wouldn't come, I've been angry about it and I even tried to bargain with God about it, but it came nonetheless!

The loss my family suffered on that day was staggering! Mama was so important to so many people! She was the glue that held my family together. She was the center point where my family came together. She was the heart of family gatherings during the holidays!

To me she was an incredible teacher and example of how a Christian woman, wife and mother should behave. My biggest regret, in life, is that it took me so long to realize that!
I spent a long time feeling inadequate and feeling like I would never measure up to her "over-achiever" way of doing things. I now know that she wasn't an "over-achiever" at all.... What she was was a lady who believed in always putting forth your best effort. I have come to understand that if you live your life that way, the achievements will naturally follow!  Her work ethic was  incredible, but it was nothing in comparison to her loyalty regarding family!

To other family members, she was like "True North". She faced issues HEAD ON and didn't sugar coat things, but she would never turn a family member away if they needed her! She found a way to work through issues that were set in front of her and managed them with grace and style! She was a most excellent councilor and problem solver! She had a strength that I envy to this very day!

To a little blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl she called Lula she was EVERYTHING! I feel blessed to have been a witness to the transformation that a grandchild caused in her! I watched Mama soften into a little girl again, when she played with Katie! I didn't understand it until I got my first "Grand". Now I can understand exactly what she was feeling! I was sad for my little Beckham, that he might never know what that kind of love felt like. I have come to understand, however, that he does get to have it and the reason that he does is because she showed me how! I love that I can look at his facial expressions sometimes and see her grinning at me!

And so, I cry today because I MISS HER, but I smile and thank God that she was here!!!! I thank her for living a Christian life and setting before me a road-map and teaching me the lessons that I would need in order to lead a Christian life myself! Most of all I thank God for his son and the promise that we will all be together again because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Life Goes On

So, we made it home, safe and sound, from a most excellent vacation. We have already started planning for next year's adventure. If The Lord is willing there are more memories still to be made and I am looking forward to the experiences that lie ahead. 

It seems like we both went right back to the daily grind about as quick as our wheels stopped rolling in Louisiana.  Johnnie went back to work the very next day and I started teaching my extended year classes. 

 With the first week of summer school behind me I finally got the time I needed to be able to go and be with my girlfriend whose husband passed away while we were gone. I got into my car for the drive over with a million mixed emotions running round in my head. It's funny how loud your thoughts can be sometimes. 

Of course my friend and her family had been on my mind constantly over the past week, and I tried as hard as I could to stay connected through every form if digital media that I could, but I couldn't bring myself to dial her phone number to have an actual conversation. I felt like such a coward!

I guess I rationalized it to myself by thinking that if I don't hear her voice or we don't actually speak of our sadness it will mean that it isn't real. Seeing that thought in print I know that it is crazy, but it was just too painful to consider the reality that is upon us. Driving up toward her house and seeing his truck made my heart hurt because I knew that my friend is gone and no talking or not talking would change that. 

And so, no words were needed.  That was a good thing because I could not find the right ones to say to express my sorrow for her loss.  Sometimes a hug and shared tears speak volumes. 

We had a nice visit and even managed to laugh our way through some mundane errands. I am sure there will be more tears at times, but I am thankful for the laughter!